A Reward from God

Ever since we became parents, we've been often reminded by friends and relatives of the fact that children are a blessing from the Lord and we are to enjoy them. If you know Andy and me, you'd quickly say this couple doesn't readily exemplify the truth of Psalm 127:3-5. Our quiver has a lone arrow and as Andy would say, it is already killing us! As much as we'd like to give the excuses of having a child at an older age and just not having that kid-loving personalities, the ultimate reason for our lack of "joy" is our fallenness.

Those who've met Caleb would often say "What a great kid!" and would have a hard time understanding why we "complain" so much. But the truth of the matter is, Caleb is just another sinner, the reality of which is only manifesting itself more each day as he grows. And his parents are no less one who has fall short of the glory of God. Raising a child has thus far been the biggest challenge and struggle for both of us. Our need for patience and trust is as big as Caleb's need to know his Savior. As Andy was sharing on this topic with our Pastor at his home last Saturday, they have both arrived at the conclusion that children are indeed a gift from God, yet this gift or reward or blessing should not be confused with one the world understands as a gift. We can testify that our reward so far has been one of being broken, molded, and refined for the sole purpose of becoming more Christ-like. God is breaking us for His glory. That is our reward.

The Nearness of God

Mom and brother have left for Hong Kong, which means readjusting to having control over my kitchen again--which is not a good thing when it comes to meal times! Cooking is really not my strength. But as the apostle Paul exhorts, I will gladly boast about my weaknesses, that Christ's power may rest upon me. Even in tasks that can get mundane such as preparing food for my family meal after meal, it is God's workings and His grace.

As for my chronic ailments, I have gone to different doctors to seek treatments this past year and have gone through even acupuncture recently, but I know my hope is not in any doctors or medications (or good health or a child who does not whine and fuss or a good marriage and so on), but in my Creator and King who has a totally different theology in suffering than this world does.

I grew up seeing suffering (troubles/difficulties/trials) as something unwanted. Even Christians who say in the midst of suffering that God has a purpose in it do not in actuality believe that suffering is something to be desired. I often have a hard time dealing with suffering because I view myself more highly than I should. C. J. Mahaney is known to give the answer "Better than I deserve" each time he's asked how he is doing. I try to learn from his example, yet Andy has often challenged me in how sincere I am in my answer, and whether I actually believe what I am saying. I find the phrase "I wish..." coming from my mouth often times, and I quickly catch myself as contending with God when I do that. Andy reminds me that any moment I am not experiencing excruciating pain, I am doing much better than I deserve. Yes, I deserve eternal condemnation, yet in Christ there is now no condemnation for me (Romans 8:1)! John Piper once said even if we suffer every single day of our life for 80 years, God does not owe us anything, and the glory we receive in heaven for many many 80 years far outweighs the suffering. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17) Indeed, my suffering is light compared to many others' and ultimately my Lord's. And my troubles are momentary, for in the twinkling of an eye, I shall see Him in glory.

Through John Piper's teaching, and sermons that I've heard Sunday after Sunday from Pastor Rick at Berean and Pastor Ken at Lighthouse, I have been blessed with a cross-centered view of suffering and am learning to embrace it rather than shrink from it, which is very counter-human, and hence I am in need of total dependence on God's grace.

Suffering can do much good as any Christian can probably tell me, like developing perseverence (James 1:2-3), helping in comforting others in the same situation (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) etc. But ultimately, it is in God's glory and His nearness that my suffering finds its worth. God's own word speaks for itself:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:9)

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Romans 8:17)

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. (Psalm 73:28)

Indeed, in all of this, the nearness of God is my good. And He has sovereignly made it so.