Who is like You,

Homeschool Update

2007-06-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

At one point this past year, we had contemplated the possibility of eventually sending Caleb out for school due to my chronic ailments. But God's grace has sustained us thus far with the conviction to continue to homeschool Caleb. God has taught me so much in seeing the sufficiency of His grace each and every day. His mercies are indeed new every morning no matter how much my flesh tells me otherwise.

It's been almost a year since I started with a formal curriculum for phonics with Caleb. We are halfway through the book and it has worked very well. The phonics primer was recommended by a friend from my sisters' study group, a faithful blogger and mother of 4. I would highly recommend this guide as well because it uses no gimmicks and is very systematic and easy to use. Even I myself have learned a few new things from it!

As for math, Caleb does not demonstrate any sign of an engineer despite the presence of two in the home. He has trouble even counting to 20! And for writing, he can write his own name without any guiding, and that's about it. The Startwrite writing software recommended by the same sister has been very useful. I can customize each writing assignment according to Caleb's development and interest. We also print out bible verses that Caleb has learned and he'd trace over them during part of Pastor Ken's sermon on Sundays.

I had always thought I could do teaching. But not until Caleb came along did God show me more each day how much patience I lack and desperately need. It is no wonder children are a reward from God for He has used mine to humble me and break me and mold me.

I don't know what the future years of homeschooling will look like as it gets more formal academic wise. But we just take one step at a time. And for one, I am simply thankful for God's grace in blessing us with the means and conviction to impress His commandments on our child, to talk about them when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up (Deuteronomy 6:7). It is worth infinitely more than any earthly education we can give him--all by His grace.

Mini Vacation in Monterey

2007-06-07T15:23:00.001-07:00

We spent a couple days last week in Monterey after the Memorial Day rush was over. I had lived in Monterey for a year and worked there for five before moving up to the Bay Area telecommuting for the remaining seven. As a result, I was supposed to know the area very well, and had indeed vacationed there often. But I guess there are just places you wouldn't frequent or things you wouldn't do before you had kids. So for our past few visits, we finally did some family things and visited places that many friends and relatives had recommended long ago.

It was our first time visiting Dennis the Menace Playground, Monterey last week and I was impressed by how involved and well-kept a public park can be. There were five or six different play structures, tunnels, slides, steam engine exhibit (pictured), suspension bridge (pictured) and more that even adults enjoy playing on.

Andy's co-worker recommended Carmel River State Beach as an alternative to the nearby popular Carmel State Beach. It was our second time visiting, and we really enjoyed the serenity and beauty of this less known retreat with lagoons, sea birds, rocks, sand, and ocean waves.

And we never go to Monterey without stopping by Lovers Point in Pacific Grove. This time, we happened to pass by the guy in charge of renting the bike surreys and decided to try it ourselves!

Thanks to all who have given me pointers to these family activities by the Monterey coast. I am grateful for the beautiful creation of God for our enjoyment, and in the midst of it, enjoying God Himself as our Giver and King.

A Bruised Nose

2007-05-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

Caleb had a bad accident a couple days ago. He was playing with daddy in the room before his bedtime, ran toward his bed, tripped over daddy, and fell flat-faced against the edge of the wooden bedframe. When I heard the loud crash downstairs, I ran upstairs only to see Caleb's face and mouth all bloody from his bleeding nose and blood all over on the carpet and daddy's shirt. I had no clue what happened and just panicked as I had never seen so much blood squirting out of a person's nose before. After calming myself down a bit with a prayer and finding out from Andy what had happened, the bleeding stopped and Caleb seemed to be functioning normally despite the swollen nose and remaining blood clots. We were very grateful to God the damage was not worse and his eyes were spared (there is a big horrible-looking purple swollen patch right between his eye and nose now).

With a very bruised nose, Caleb was asked many times today at church what had happened. Another mother so happened to share that her daughter had just had stitches on her head this past week from a boy accidentally tossing a rock at her. Though the daughter is perfectly fine now, the bloody scene haunted the mother for nights and she could sympathize with me as I shared my story. I guess there will be many more accidents to come and I am to get myself ready for it, though we are extra diligent now in warning Caleb not to run in the house and just dash his head against things. God is gracious in all of this.

Four Years of Friendship

2007-04-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

Since mom of Caleb's friend of four years is blogging over here, I am taking the opportunity of posting a couple pictures of the two friends taken four years apart, one taken at our home in 2003 and the other at Emma Prusch as blogged by our friend...

How fast time flies and how grateful we are for God's abounding grace in their lives. May they both be drawn to our Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior and grow in faith in Him!

A Mighty Fortress

2007-04-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

In our morning devotion, God has blessed Caleb and me through the Psalms and now we are on to Proverbs, a good book to read together for parent and child! As for our hymn of the week, we are singing "A Mighty Fortress is Our God." I am not very good with the old English language and so I sometimes find myself not fully understanding what I am singing when it comes to certain old hymns. Now with Caleb, I am forced to study more carefully what the words mean because he asks for its meaning after every single phrase. It sometimes takes us over 15 minutes to sing just one hymn!

It might have been easier just to sing "Jesus loves me" with Caleb. But I am also convinced of the value of teaching him from young great hymns of the past and to exult in foundational biblical truths through praise. And what wonderful opportunity God is using to teach me as well. Indeed a mighty fortress is my God as Martin Luther penned it, "Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing."

Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God's truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.

These words from Martin Luther's hymn ring so true to me, especially after having listened again to John Piper's message entitled "Doing Missions When Dying is Gain" on Desiring God's podcast yesterday. I pray that my hope is built not on goods or kindred (yes, kindred!) or my mortal body, but on my Lord Jesus Christ alone, a bulwark that never fails!

Spring Break at Yosemite

2007-04-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

We were granted a few quiet days at Yosemite Valley last week to enjoy family time and the beauty of God's waterfalls, pine trees, and more. Andy's work has been very busy. He receives an average of 100 emails a day at work, which is quite absurd. How does one survive in the Silicon Valley in this environment?! He went back to work this week with over 700 emails to process. So the little getaway was a much needed time of refreshment for the three of us.

We did much hiking around the park and up to waterfalls. Getting splashed by the waterfalls was a big thrill for Caleb. Anywhere we went, we were surrounded by the beauty of spring. Whether in a grand waterfall or a tiny pine-cone branch the size of Caleb's index finger, we see God's design and beauty. We are humbled by His gracious allowance for us to experience all this despite our fallenness.

Easter Message

2007-04-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Pastor Ken preached from Hebrews 13:20-21 for his Easter message. The week before he had mentioned that it was going to be an evangelistic message and for us to invite unbelieving friends. I had completely forgotten about this until after the worship service yesterday, at which point I realized there was nothing about his delivery that was different from all his other ones. This was not because all his other sermons were also "evangelistic" but because he didn't package the gospel message any different than when he preached from other passages in the bible. In fact, the gospel was always preached in every single sermon of his.

Another fact that came to mind was that I actually did bring with me (as far as I know) an unbeliever. And that is my four-year-old. And I am grateful to God for the whole gospel that is preached every Sunday. No cute little re-packaging of the gospel to make it attractive in the world's view. Even if 90% of it goes way over Caleb's head just because of his age-related comprehension, I am grateful for the 10% of unmodified truth that he can understand.

This morning, as the song "He is Lord" from one of our children CD's was playing, Caleb looked at me when he heard the line "He is risen from the dead" and gave me an emphatic nod and a smile. I think he's gotten the Easter message down for as much as his little head can understand. "Christ the Lord is Risen Today, Alleluia!"--this is our hymn for the week.

A Reward from God

2007-03-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

Ever since we became parents, we've been often reminded by friends and relatives of the fact that children are a blessing from the Lord and we are to enjoy them. If you know Andy and me, you'd quickly say this couple doesn't readily exemplify the truth of Psalm 127:3-5. Our quiver has a lone arrow and as Andy would say, it is already killing us! As much as we'd like to give the excuses of having a child at an older age and just not having that kid-loving personalities, the ultimate reason for our lack of "joy" is our fallenness.

Those who've met Caleb would often say "What a great kid!" and would have a hard time understanding why we "complain" so much. But the truth of the matter is, Caleb is just another sinner, the reality of which is only manifesting itself more each day as he grows. And his parents are no less one who has fall short of the glory of God. Raising a child has thus far been the biggest challenge and struggle for both of us. Our need for patience and trust is as big as Caleb's need to know his Savior. As Andy was sharing on this topic with our Pastor at his home last Saturday, they have both arrived at the conclusion that children are indeed a gift from God, yet this gift or reward or blessing should not be confused with one the world understands as a gift. We can testify that our reward so far has been one of being broken, molded, and refined for the sole purpose of becoming more Christ-like. God is breaking us for His glory. That is our reward.

The Nearness of God

2007-03-16T14:52:00.000-07:00

Mom and brother have left for Hong Kong, which means readjusting to having control over my kitchen again--which is not a good thing when it comes to meal times! Cooking is really not my strength. But as the apostle Paul exhorts, I will gladly boast about my weaknesses, that Christ's power may rest upon me. Even in tasks that can get mundane such as preparing food for my family meal after meal, it is God's workings and His grace.

As for my chronic ailments, I have gone to different doctors to seek treatments this past year and have gone through even acupuncture recently, but I know my hope is not in any doctors or medications (or good health or a child who does not whine and fuss or a good marriage and so on), but in my Creator and King who has a totally different theology in suffering than this world does.

I grew up seeing suffering (troubles/difficulties/trials) as something unwanted. Even Christians who say in the midst of suffering that God has a purpose in it do not in actuality believe that suffering is something to be desired. I often have a hard time dealing with suffering because I view myself more highly than I should. C. J. Mahaney is known to give the answer "Better than I deserve" each time he's asked how he is doing. I try to learn from his example, yet Andy has often challenged me in how sincere I am in my answer, and whether I actually believe what I am saying. I find the phrase "I wish..." coming from my mouth often times, and I quickly catch myself as contending with God when I do that. Andy reminds me that any moment I am not experiencing excruciating pain, I am doing much better than I deserve. Yes, I deserve eternal condemnation, yet in Christ there is now no condemnation for me (Romans 8:1)! John Piper once said even if we suffer every single day of our life for 80 years, God does not owe us anything, and the glory we receive in heaven for many many 80 years far outweighs the suffering. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17) Indeed, my suffering is light compared to many others' and ultimately my Lord's. And my troubles are momentary, for in the twinkling of an eye, I shall see Him in glory.

Through John Piper's teaching, and sermons that I've heard Sunday after Sunday from Pastor Rick at Berean and Pastor Ken at Lighthouse, I have been blessed with a cross-centered view of suffering and am learning to embrace it rather than shrink from it, which is very counter-human, and hence I am in need of total dependence on God's grace.

Suffering can do much good as any Christian can probably tell me, like developing perseverence (James 1:2-3), helping in comforting others in the same situation (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) etc. But ultimately, it is in God's glory and His nearness that my suffering finds its worth. God's own word speaks for itself:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:9)

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Romans 8:17)

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. (Psalm 73:28)

Indeed, in all of this, the nearness of God is my good. And He has sovereignly made it so.

Family visit

2007-02-28T14:25:00.000-08:00

My family is visiting from Hong Kong, and as always, my mom would pamper me with her delicious cooking. Needless to say, their visit is accompanied by many family activities.

We headed up Lake Tahoe for my brother and Caleb to see snow for the first time! We were blessed with good weather for the day's trip.

The family also got to spend Chinese New Year together. And of course Caleb got to receive many red packets from relatives.

A visit to the Great Mall is a must for my mom, and Caleb and my brother got to enjoy a ride on the kiddie coaster together.

My dad left for Hong Kong today and so we had a pre-birthday celebration over the weekend for Caleb's 4th birthday tomorrow.

That is the update for February...

New Year of 2007

2007-01-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year of 2007! Caleb and I started this new year with coughs and colds, and Andy is grateful for God's mercy on his bronchi thus far.

Since Caleb and I didn't make it to church with Andy this past Sunday, for the first time, we tried downloading John Piper's video sermon the night before and Andy set it up on our projector so Caleb and I actually watched John Piper preach his new year message in 2006 on Sunday morning. If just listening to Piper is enough to make his passion for God's glory contagious, imagine being able to watch him in action!

New year resolutions for 2007?--"More love to Thee, O Christ," as echoed in Elizabeth Prentiss' famous hymn. I just started reading her biography for a sisters' study group in which God has so graciously placed me by the invitation of a dear sister. I hope to write more about what I am learning from God through the book. But for now, I am reminded that I, though still suffering from physical illness, am not exempt from God's call and His commands to love. I tend to give excuses for my lack of patience and kindness during times of physical trials, now more so as a mother. God's commands are not conditional. I am called to be patient and kind, not patient and kind only when I am well or when circumstances around me justify so. Yet, His commands are not burdensome, for He is the One who will give me the grace needed for all that He asks.

This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. --1 John 5:3-4

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. --2 Peter 1:3

Faith in His Word I ask, that I may abound in His love!

One hymn a week

2006-12-12T14:03:00.000-08:00

During our morning worship time together, Caleb and I would read a Psalm and sing a song and pray. I had previously picked songs randomly from a song book for this time. But recently, I began this "one hymn a week" thing with him. On Sundays at church, the first song we sing is usually a hymn. So I decided to use that as a guide. On Monday mornings, we would look up that hymn in our hymnal and sing it for the remainder of the week. Caleb sometimes joins in at the chorus, or he would just pick an instrument from his "instrument basket" and play along. This is a good way for him to be familiarized with hymns.

This past Sunday we sang "Angels we have heard on high" at church and so this is our hymn for the week. Gloria in excelsis Deo!

From phonics to folklores

2006-12-04T14:50:00.000-08:00

Caleb loves to play with Andy's older brother Chris who lives quite close to us. Recently Chris has started playing little "magic" games/tricks with him and he is fascinated by them.

This morning, as we were doing our phonic lesson on words that end with the two-consonant blend lf, we came across the word "elf" and Caleb asked me what an elf was. I didn't know the exact definition of it and so I said, "It is a little magical being." He asked me, "What's a being?" I said, "It is a magical person." He responded, "You mean like Uncle Chris?" "Well, not quite..." which then diverted me into this little research on elves and folklores. Perhaps this is the fun part of homeschooling?!

Free gift

2006-11-22T15:09:00.000-08:00

The broadcast on Desiring God Radio these past few days has been entitled "The Free Gift of God is Eternal Life" on Romans 6:23 which says in ESV: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I realized the word "free" is not in the NIV. Though I know that's usually what a gift is--something free. But I am reminded once again that there is absolutely nothing we can do to earn or deserve this gift of God. It is absolutely free. It is all by the substitutionary sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ for OUR sins.

This Thanksgiving, above all things, we as a family want to give thanks to our God for this free gift. Caleb has learned this past year to say prayers. Whenever we gather to pray, he calls it a "prayer meeting." What joyful opportunity it is to give thanks to God and to teach a three-year-old for what he is ultimately giving thanks.

Though the fig tree does not bud...

2006-11-17T14:00:00.000-08:00

No breakthrough with my chronic stomach ailments--some of you may want to know. But this is good--to keep me from becoming conceited, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, and to once again put in perspective what the prophet Habukkak says:

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the
vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no
food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the
stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my
Savior.

How does one do that?? All by the grace of God, and recognizing that "in this life, our suffering is never as great or as serious as our sins.... it will always be less than what we have deserved for our sins." (Humility: True Greatness, C. J. Mahaney) Blessed be the name of the Lord!

My Pride As Well

2006-10-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

What a blessing it is to be able to be ministered to even in front of my computer in this day and age. Mark Dever's post on Pride as Impatience reminds me that impatience has also become my pride's disguise often. Spending almost all my waking hours with Caleb does uncover much of my impatience (pride), especially when he keeps asking questions after questions or wants to play games in which I have no interests.

Mark shares:

I further confess as I have meditated on it, it becomes clear to me that this is not a nice, junior kind of sin (at least not in me). It is a disguise for the sin of pride, the ugliest of all sins, and the most direct rejection of God's authority and of a humble joy in His provision for me in the Gospel of Jesus Christ... My tendency is to be patient in situations I like. And that's no patience! Patience is endurance through things that challenge us, and it is rooted in humility, as surely as my impatience is rooted in pride.

Indeed, I often consider MY agenda more than I do others' and God's. My mind is preoccupied often with what interests ME and as a result I brush even my own son off. I've been given so much more than I deserve. Yes, I deserve Hell, yet I have gained Christ out of God's infinite mercy. And my son wants to play a game with me. I need to pray for a humble reception of God's authority in my life and "a humble joy in His provision for me in the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

Power of the Word

2006-10-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

Caleb is at an age where he wants to exert strong independence yet does not have the maturity to handle his desires and emotions. There are times he would get into a frenzy or burst into crying and whining when he does not get what he wants or cannot get what he wants done. Of course, the bottom of this is he's a sinner. One day, while he threw a fit for not being able to do something he was fixed on doing, I remembered one of the Foundation Verses he'd been reciting: "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below." Exodus 20:4 I prompted him with the first part of the verse and he completed the rest in a progressively calm manner. I then explained to him that he had made that something and his desire an idol and that our happiness is found only in God. Ever since, we've been able to use this verse to explain to him the different forms of idols we make in our lives, and apply an increasing number of the 76+ verses that he has learned from the pack.

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." 2 Timothy 3:16 God's grace has enabled me to see and apply this truth even with a 3-year-old. And it is a sober reminder for myself as well that I am a sinner desperately in need of the daily sanctifying power of His Word.

"I can read!"

2006-09-25T15:10:00.000-07:00

Caleb had shown interest in learning how to read early on. For the past months, he'd been only reading out words by recognition. One of his favorite words was "God" and for a while he would scream out "God!" each time he saw it on the screen during singing in Sunday worship. And he started recognizing "O LORD my God" since we've been reading through the Psalms in our morning worship.

I started teaching him systematic phonics using The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading back in July as we embarked on a more structured homeschooling schedule. After going through the vowels and consonants and their sounds, we finally got to the first lesson last week where he was asked to read three complete sentences. I watched as he moved his little finger across slowly but surely sounding out the words. What joy! Thank you God for the giving of the ability to read!

Echoes in our hearts

2006-09-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here's a wonderful article from Christianity Today that echoes much with the convictions God has placed in our hearts these recent few years... Enjoy!

Twenty Years...

2006-09-18T15:48:00.000-07:00

We spent a day Saturday up in Davis biking around the campus of our alma mater (with Caleb in the trailer), visiting the good old farmers' market, and just reminiscing on God's wondrous doing some twenty years ago when I met Andy, who was still a pagan... It was a spur of the moment trip, and I guess we could call it a 20-year anniversary trip! Summer school just ended and so it was nice and quiet. The hog barns by the engineering building have long been removed but the smells of cows and horses are still a signature of the Davis air. Caleb enjoyed the trip and the ride, and his mommy and daddy got to have some exercise. We thank the Lord for the blessing of a 20-year friendship.

Jesus Doesn't Meet Our Needs

2006-09-15T02:26:00.001-07:00

"Jesus doesn't meet our needs; he rearranges them," said William H. Willimon, and quoted by Al Mohler in his blog today titled "The Problems of Preaching to Felt Needs." On top of the nice quote from Willimon, I really like how Dr. Mohler explained very nicely the three flaws. I would very much recommend reading this post. Strong words are needed to reveal deep sins.

What Does God Promise, Really?

2006-09-13T23:48:00.001-07:00

This week's TIME magazine has a cover story on "Does God Want Us to Be Rich?" and Al Mohler responded to the story with some comments on his blog. Most of the Christians I know (including myself of course) would probably say no to the Prosperity Theology if we were asked what we think, but a closer examination of our daily inner thoughts and activities would likely reveal that we are actually not that far from believing in it, or its many derivatives. Our physical, emotional, and psychological needs are so real in our daily lives that we tend to be driven by them, to such a degree that we can lead ourselves into believing in a distorted gospel in which God wants and promises to meet our every need. Our obvious need is money, lots of it. Others are health, jobs, family, and so on...

Here I'd like to make a list of some additional questions we sometimes find ourselves asking:
1. Does God want us to be healthy?
2. Does God want us to have a good or high paying job?
3. Does God want us to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
4. Does God want us to marry a physically attractive or compatible spouse?
5. Does God want us to attend the best college?
6. Does God want us to have a good and healthy family?
7. Does God want us to be at a good church?
8. Does God want us to be stress free and happy?
9. Does God want us to have good sex in a marriage?

What does God really promise? Does John 10:10 include all these things? We all know that God promises Himself, in His Son. But what good is having God Himself but without those nine things listed above? When we're in pain, we often don't need God, we need to be delivered from our pain, we need good health. When we're single and lonely, we naturally think we need a mate, a good-looking one, not God whom we can't even see. And God, being loving as He is, should, we would think, be happy and willing to give us what we need!?

It's hard not to let our immediate needs define us and shape our image and understanding of God, and this is why we, as broken sinful humans, constantly need God's infinite mercy in opening our eyes to His greater glory and overwhelming us with it. And His glory is seen in His Son, in whom we all supposedly need to rest and be completely satisfied. Lord have mercy, lots of it.

Self-Esteem?

2006-09-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

A friend recommended Susan Hunt's My ABC Bible Verses. I've been reading it with Caleb and would highly recommend it as well. One thing I prize in this book is that each lesson focuses on the work of the Holy Spirit, and any good done by the children characters in the book is attributed to the grace of God, never the child himself. Very God-centered.

We also have a devotional book for children (Blessings Every Day: 365 Simple Devotions for the Very Young) that Andy casually picked up years ago at a book sale at work. I was reading through it with Caleb the other day and came across one devotion (which is representative of the other ones) containing these lines:

But when God looks at you, he sees everything about you, like how friendly or smart or kind you are. Most of all, God sees that wonderful person he made. And that's what he loves most.

And a little saying in the bottom:

God sees inside me, he sees in my heart. To him I am wonderful, lovely, and smart!

I almost choked reading it, though I know I probably would not have seen anything wrong with it years ago. Our exodus from "modern evangelicalism" was God's blessing.

So often in today's evangelical world, we are taught to hold high self-esteem. I was even taught in the first lesson of a discipleship class years ago that it was important for me to have high self-esteem. God was not taken out of the picture. I was to have good self-esteem because God loves me and sent Jesus Christ to die for me. It sounded good to me. And it is true God loves me, but it is not the whole truth! To fail to see and admit the total depravity in us and the wrath of God that we deserve in the first place is nothing near Truth; God's love is cheapened and misconstrued. When God looks in my heart, no, he does not see how lovely and smart I am, but how sinful and foolish. If there is anything good, it is by the grace of God because of the cross of Christ and His righteousness alone.

Andy reminds me often to not tell Caleb that I am proud of him (and to not even think that of him). Let him who boasts boast in the Lord (1 Cor. 1:30-31). May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ (Gal. 6:14). Anything that Caleb can do well in, we humbly embrace it as by the grace of God. And we tell him the same.

As I learnt from John Piper, it is not self-esteem we need, but Christ-esteem. Pray that not only do I say it but live it as well.

Submission (1): "No TV?"

2006-08-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

Caleb and I visited a sister friend of mine the other day. She's single but unavailable, and we touched on the topic of submission as she's preparing herself to enter into marriage with this biblical mandate (The Lord bless her!). One question she asked me was, "Have you ever submitted to Andy on something that you didn't agree with him on?" It was a tricky question to answer since to submit to my husband would entail doing that something that I don't agree with him on in the first place. If I had agreed with him, then it would not call for submission. But as I thought on, Andy has never asked me to do something that was unbiblical, and so I told my friend no, not so much something that I didn't agree with him on, but more like something I didn't prefer at the time. Later, the topic of watching TV came up in our discussion and I used it as an example for this earlier topic...

The Dao home has not heard the sound of a TV for over two years now, and we are grateful for the blessings that the Lord brings as a result of it (I'll save these for another post). As a mother of a one-year-old at the time, having to be home alone with a little one all day, and having been raised in a culture where the TV set was an indispensable item in the household, I was not the most thrilled when Andy shared his conviction with me. "You mean not even the news for me, or the Berenstain Bears for Caleb?" I exclaimed. But trusting that the Lord has, in His infinite wisdom and love, placed Andy as the leader of this home, I submitted to Andy and asked God for strength and wisdom for my days.

This post is not about the good and bad of TV (or of the use of TV). Enough has been said. A friend has made some worthy comments in her post. And the four-volume series of David Wells is an excellent read according to Andy on how modernity has shaped our history, society, culture, and church! This Part-1 blog entry is just the first of many reflections I hope to share on the topic as I am learning it by the grace of God.

Daily grind?

2006-08-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

It was refreshing reading Mark Dever's post "Again, for now" and being reminded again of God's purpose in my daily grind. Mark wrote:

Reflecting on my own life, and my own congregation, I am reminded that I'm always in need of learning the same things again. Just as meals in a family are patiently prepared again, and clothes are washed again, and children are corrected again, and spouses ask forgiveness or enjoy one another again, or God forgives us again, so we in our daily lives are called to do much that we do again.

I am encouraged as well by what Martin Luther said, as Mark quoted:

...All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified.

Thank you Lord for the hope we have in Your glory (Romans 5:2).

What am I?

2006-08-24T01:04:00.001-07:00

Mark Dever asked, "What is CJ?" and two weeks later, this was what CJ Mahaney wrote:

What am I? Well, here is what I am. I am the worst sinner I know. And by the grace of God I am doing better than I deserve. For I deserve the righteous wrath of God because of my sin. I deserve to be punished eternally. But in the mystery of His mercy, God sacrificed and crushed His Son on the Cross--as my substitute--so that I might be forgiven of my sin and know God as my Father rather than my Judge. What am I? I am truly amazed by the grace of God. That’s what I am.

Regretfully, I think I share in CJ's two bad traits. One his baldness, and two his being the worst sinner he knows. He then went on to say:

Of much lesser importance, I have the privilege to serve and lead Sovereign Grace Ministries in its mission to plant and support local churches. And I am especially blessed to be a member of Covenant Life Church, “the dearest place on earth."

Well, here is where I think I would say for myself if I were asked the same question, "Of much lesser importance, I am what most people around me think I am." I think it'd be good for me to hang around people who can treat me as I truly am because it would greatly help remind me of what I truly am--the worst sinner I know.

Biblical counsel for my child

2006-08-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

Last week Caleb had a playdate at his friend's place. At one point of the gathering, both of them wanted to have this stuffed animal. And it was one of those little "disputes" where the mothers have to intervene. In the end, his friend was able to share the toy with Caleb. I then said to his friend, "It feels good to share, right?" And the mother said to her, "It wasn't too hard to share, was it?" Both of us were trying to encourage the behavior of sharing. And I didn't think much of it afterwards.

Last night as I was re-reading Shepherding a child's heart, on being biblical in the counseling of our children, the incident came back to mind. I realized neither comment made by the two mothers was necessarily biblical. Ultimately, the child shares because it is pleasing and honoring to God, not because it makes him or her feel good, nor is it because it is not hard to do. The former comment renders the child self- rather than cross-centered. The latter comment leads to a focus on merit rather than on grace. In fact, it was the worst thing for me to tell a child that he should do something because it feels good to do it. And without realizing that even the ability to share is the grace of God is to deny our total depravity.

It seemed a small incident. But I am grateful for the Spirit's conviction that this is where I start with a life-long biblical counsel for my child, molding his heart, not his behavior, because of the cross.

Everyone did as he saw fit

2006-08-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

Last week during an ultrasound exam, I had a conversation with the technician on the topic of homeschooling. He made a few comments in regard to public schools nowadays. He said one is supposed to go to school to learn, but the schools nowadays are "totally screwed up" in his own words.

On my way home from the exam, I was listening to the radio and there so happened to be a special news report on what is known as "Backyard Wrestling" where teenagers would gather in someone's backyard and stage wrestling matches by whacking keyboards, fluorescent tubes, and the like on each other, and even set fire on themselves, all obviously without any adult supervision. One of the teenagers being interviewed said he does it because he's not good at any sports and this is one way for him to find friends. A mother who was being interviewed actually said her teenage son was paralyzed recently from being involved in Backyard Wrestling.

It was heart-wrenching hearing the stories and to be thinking about the state of today's schools and teenage world. I was reading the book of Judges in my devotion last week and when I came to the recurring verses which say, "In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit," I was soberly being reminded of my responsibility as a Christian parent in bringing up my child in the instruction and admonition of the Lord. Left to himself, my child's heart tends only towards evil. Without the Lord as his King, he would do as he sees fit. The same goes with my own sinful heart. Lord have mercy!

Dinner Prep

2006-08-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

It has been two weeks since I started with a more structured homeschooling daily routine with Caleb. God has been gracious to us and Caleb has not lost his interest yet in this new adventure. Another of our activities is "Dinner Prep" during which time we prepare dinner together. Since he's only 3-1/2, he obviously cannot use the knife or stove (or at least the way it is intended to be used for cooking). So what I have him do these days is washing vegetables and fruits for me. And at dinner time, he would point at the vegetables and tell Andy, "Daddy, I washed the Gai-Lan [or bitter melon or cilantro or whatever veggie is in the dish]."

Though I enjoy Caleb's helpful spirit (or part water-playfulness), I pray that we are, more importantly, instilling in him a servant attitude that he will own one day only because of the Gospel.

Today's Motherhood

2006-08-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

The title of yesterday's program on The Albert Mohler Radio Program caught my attention and so I listened to it. (It was my first time listening to Al Mohler's show and boy, does he speak fast!) It was on "motherhood" and a discussion that started with an article written by a mother who claims motherhood to be boring her to death. Similar sentiments are expressed in today's world where too many mothers are finding their career more interesting, fulfilling, and necessary than being a stay-at-home mom. In my fallen nature, I can understand and identify with many of these sentiments. I grew up in an environment where many of my girlfriends are well-educated and have prestigous careers such as being doctors, lawyers, engineers, accountants etc. One time in a highschool reunion gathering, a girlfriend of mine commented to me in regard to homemaking, "You can actually cook?!" And another said, "I don't know how you do it." And all those who live in the Bay Area now and have children are working full-time with live-in nannies taking care of their children at home because they either find their career more attractive or cannot handle the stress and hardwork of child caring. So is today's motherhood. And I personally struggle with it as well because of my fallenness. But as I am reminded by what I heard from Al Mohler's program and God's Word, my decision to quit my job and be a full-time mom (though it is very hardwork for me and it means a sacrifice in the area of finance), is purely out of the conviction that it is God's calling for me as a wife and mother to take care of my husband and child for God's glory for as long as He enables and wills.

Everyone would agree that being a mother is no easy feat. Out of my fallen nature, I'd rather do the things I like than to play an unending silly game with my child. Without the restraining power of the Holy Spirit, I'd be screaming at a fussy or disobedient child instead of teaching him with kindness and gentleness. The list goes on with all the different roles a mother plays in the rearing of a child in the Lord. And I cannot live a single day of motherhood without relying on God's mercy and His grace.

The Triune God

2006-08-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

Caleb loves it when "Mr. Ling" visits, as you can tell from the picture taken last night when Caleb stuffed as many of his toys as he could on Mike. At the end of the evening, when I told Caleb he needed to go take a shower and "Mr. Ling" needed to go home, he wanted Mike to stay longer and quickly said, "Mr. Ling will take a shower for Caleb." I told him that that was Daddy's job as Andy is the one who usually showers him in the evening. He then responded, "Caleb has three daddies." We wondered and asked him why three. And he answered, "God, Da... Andy, and Mr. Ling." Well, Mike didn't stay to take a shower for him, but we all got a good laugh at his concept of a "triune" God.

Getting Started

2006-07-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

Now that my mom has returned to Hong Kong and all the major summer family activities have subsided, and realizing once again that my engineering career has ended, and while waiting for God's timing in the healing of my post-surgery GI problems, I tell myself I'd better get a homeschooling routine started before I slip into a slack-off mode. So started today, I actually made up a daily schedule for Caleb and me to follow. He got really excited about all the color-coded activities on the schedule of which I made two copies (one posted on the wall in his room so he gets to see it when he wakes up and one posted on the fridge so we can refer to it throughout the day).

One particular activity I put on the schedule is a morning worship time. We prayed together this morning, read Psalm 1 from this Family Worship Bible that was given to us as a wedding gift 12 years ago, and sang a song in the music section at the end of the bible. Caleb actually recited Psalm 1 with me since that was part of his learned Foundation Verses.

Another activity I've included is phonics since Caleb has learned all his alphabets early on and has been showing interests in learning how to read. Thanks to our friends' recommendation, I've started using The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading with Caleb and am liking it.

Well, this first day has not been easy but by God's grace we are both learning in many ways.

"Missing Por-Por"

2006-07-26T15:28:00.000-07:00

My mom left for Hong Kong last night and we are missing her good company and great cooking. She said she had never experienced such heat in her life as this one we just had. We all had to camp downstairs since the rooms upstairs were nearly 100 degrees even at 9 in the evening. Andy hasn't given the green light for installing A/C. And I am learning to give thanks in all circumstances. Here's a funny picture of Caleb enjoying the 90-degree pool water with Por-Por and Daddy on a hot day. And another one playing ball with Por-Por at a local park. We finally escaped to San Francisco for an afternoon of cooling relief at the Golden Gate Bridge. I think my mom will think twice before coming again in the summer!

Thank you God for the heat you send and for ways you provide for our cooling--thank you for this common grace. And it reminds me of the fact that I deserve wrath and eternal fire that is infinitely hotter than this heat wave. I am humbled by your saving grace.

And thank you God we can easily chat with and see families over the internet in this day and age. Looking forward to Por-Por's next visit!

T4G

2006-07-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

We recently discovered the Together for the Gospel Blog/Ministry/Conference hosted by Mark Dever, Ligon Duncan, C. J. Mahaney, and Albert Mohler. Andy purchased the 7 mp3 messages for the main sessions given at the 2006 Conference and I have been listening to the powerful messages given by these four men plus guest speakers John MacArthur, John Piper, and R. C. Sproul. Even though the targeted audience of the conference is mainly pastors and ministers of God's Word, I am enjoying every word spoken by these wonderful messengers of God, for when Truth is preached faithfully, the power penetrates to the soul no matter what sphere of life one is in. I pray for God's continuing use of these men and their ministries in this generation where human wisdom and philosophies have so often replaced the gospel on the pulpit.

"Gung-Gung and Por-Por are Visiting!"

2006-07-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

My mom and dad are visiting us from Hong Kong for a month. The best part for me is being able to enjoy my mom's cooking and not having to cook! I count it God's blessing.

We also spent a few days in the Monterey Peninsula for a family reunion on my mom's side. There were 14 of us and we had a blessed time together. Caleb enjoyed playing at the beach with all his uncles and aunties.

Thank you God for family.

He Causes

2006-06-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

I've been reading the Book of Psalms in my devotional time and the other day I came across Psalm 111:4 which says, "He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate." The word "caused" caught my attention as I've been reminded these months to reflect much on God's faithfulness to me in the past, just as the Israelites often recounted how God was merciful to them. Yet I realized even my act of remembering, reflecting, and recounting was God's merciful enablement. Out of His grace and compassion, He has caused his wonders in my life to be remembered. Left to myself, I don't even have the power or means to bring to mind anything remotely godly. I am grateful that during trying times, even my remembering of the Lord and His faithfulness to me is purely His sovereign act. As Piper reminds me through Philippians 3:12, which says, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me," "all [my] efforts to grasp the fullness of joy in Christ are secured by Christ's grasp of [me]." I am secured because He has caused it in the first place. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

The Word as Pathway to Joy

2006-06-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

Had a double GI medical procedure today and am utterly grateful to the Lord for carrying me through it. It was definitely not a pleasant experience including the day of preparation. Pathology report is yet to come and I am learning again to trust in and wait upon the Lord as I did with my surgery 4 months ago.

I am halfway through Piper's book "When I don't desire God--How to fight for joy" and it has been a tremendous blessing. Last night, I read about how the Word of God can become our pathway to joy. Piper said the writer in Psalm 119 "not only prayed and meditated over the Word of God in order to understand it--he also suffered in order to understand it. The Psalmist says, '... It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statues' (Psalm 119:71)." God also instrumentally placed the book of Psalms in my current bible reading schedule and His Word has been ever so real to me during these months of physical ailments. I can echo with the psalmist in his honesty with God during the dark times and am grateful that these afflictions bring me to "see the meaning of God's Word as never before." Though I still struggle with the sin of anxiety and overly focus on my own sufferings which pale far in comparison to those of many others', His Word has been my anchor, and I trust that knowing and seeing it is the pathway to true joy. I have a long way to go but "He is as near as [my] own breathing and is infinitely merciful and mighty." Blessed be the name of the Lord.

My Great Treasure

2006-05-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

I've finally finished Piper's God is the Gospel and picked up another one of his great books When I Don't Desire God--How to Fight for Joy. One of the reasons I love Piper's books is that after reading them, I find that God is the one being made much of instead of me, unlike many other popular Christian books which give me a mushy "good" feeling of being made much of.

I am grateful for the message preached in these two books-- that seeing and savoring Christ is my ultimate treasure. He Himself is the Gift. In the midst of physical trials, there are times I say to myself, I will feel better when the weather gets better. But after a week of sunny weather, I don't find my body feeling better. There are times during the day I say to myself, I will feel better when Andy gets home and provides some relief. But as the next day comes along, my body does not necessarily feel better, even with medications or other human means. Surely God can use these different things as means of grace to me, but ultimately, He is training me to see Him, for He knows that is truly what is satisfying to me and glorifying to Him. It is a difficult fight but a biblical one and a God-glorifying one. And I know I am "struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." (Colossians 1:29) He is the One who fights in and for me. And when all is said and done, it is by His grace that I am what I am (1 Corinthians 15:10). Thank you to those remembering and praying for me. God is our great treasure.

Painful Realization: What You Win Them With Is What You'll Likely Win Them To--by Andy

2006-05-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

If the following excerpt from Mark Dever and Paul Alexander's The Deliberate Church has any truth, I am first and most guilty, and I have scars to show. The scars are ten years deep.

Avoiding Entertainment
Many American churches have used entertainment-based methods of evangelism--theotainment, as it has been called by some--in sharing the Gospel with both adults and children. With adults, it often takes the form of surveying target audiences and creating an evangelistic service in which everything from the music to the sermon is geared toward making them feel comfortable--a "sit back and enjoy the show" approach. With children, it takes the form of youth groups or Sunday schools that spend most of their time thinking up fun activities that will sneak the Gospel in through the back door.
Now there is no reason to argue against communicating the Gospel in an understandable, creative, or even provocative way. But evangelism that takes the form of entertainment has some harmful side effects. Remember--what you win them with is likely what you'll win them to. If you win them with entertainment, they're likely to be won to the show rather than the message, which increases the likelihood of false conversions. But even if they're not won to the show, entertainment-based methods make repentance virtually impossible. We are not encouraged to forsake our sin by having our senses amused or our preferences coddled. The Gospel is inherently and irreducibly confrontational. It cuts against our perceived righteousness and self-sufficiency, demanding that we forsake cherished sin and trust in someone else to justify us. Entertainment is therefore a problematic medium for communicating the Gospel, because it nearly always obscures the most difficult aspects of it--the cost of repentance, the cross of discipleship, the narrowness of the Way. Some will disagree, arguing that drama can give unbelievers a helpful visual image of the Gospel. But we have already been given such visual images. They are the ordinances of baptism and the Lord's Supper and the transformed lives of our Christian brothers and sisters.
...
Churches are most healthy when the Gospel is most clear; and the Gospel is most clear when our evangelistic methods are most plain.

"Boring" Truth?

2006-05-03T16:03:00.000-07:00

When we were at the park the other day, Caleb pointed out to me and the other two mothers who were with us that the sprinklers were on watering the big lawn across from the playground. Knowing me, I straightly responded explaining to him that yes the rainy season is over, the weather is getting dry, and so they need to start watering the grass so it will stay green. After that, one of my friends said to him, "The grass is taking a shower! Do you take showers too?" Caleb said with a smile, "Yes!" And I thought to myself, "That was really creative! What a figurative way of making things more interesting to a 3-year-old than my boring answer!"

A couple days later, during dinner, Caleb all of a sudden started telling Andy that the grass was dirty at the park and so needed to take a shower. At that, I recalled what had happened and explained the whole story to Andy. That's when both of us looked at each other with a quiet mutual understanding: perhaps the boring answer was more truthful. And we went on to realize how it applies to biblical truths as well. Many nowadays have used their human wisdom (with good intention) to make the "boring" Gospel more interesting by various creative means, hoping to attract more people to the Truth. But by doing so, they have sometimes twisted the truth, or removed it altogether, “minimizing” the power of the Gospel and the sovereignty of God.

Andy may have more to say here. But for now, I ask God to safeguard me from ever allowing any trace of human wisdom or creativity to taint my perception or presentation of the Truth.

"Homeschooling???" (addendum)

2006-05-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

It is purely by God's grace that we find ourselves on the path of homeschooling. We thank God for providing the means. It is ultimately not about academic achievement or social adjustment but our calling and conviction and responsibility to provide a God-centered environment for raising the child with whom God has entrusted us, for as long as He enables and wills.

The last thing I would want to see happen is a segregation between those who homeschool and those who do not. I have many dear friends and sisters who are teachers and proponents of public education. Many of them provide me with invaluable insights and support and encouragement. And I thank God for them.

A sidenote: I finally checked out The Well-Trained Mind from the library and it looks great. Thanks Lois! I think I am going to order one...

"Homeschooling???"

2006-04-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

It was a really nice day out after weeks of rain. Caleb and I went to a nearby park this morning to meet up with another mother from the church we used to attend. This friend and her 2-year-old daughter were lost and ended up getting there late. And God granted me the opportunity, while waiting at the park, to meet a homeschooling mom with her youngest five children (the older four are in private high school). It was quite an experience chatting a little bit with a mom of 9 homeschooling 5 while I am fretting homeschooling 1!!!

My friend finally arrived with her daughter and also called up another sister who lived nearby to join us. This other sister who also attends our old church has a 10-month old. She started asking me if I am sending Caleb to preschool, which is an all-too-common question I get these days as Caleb is already 3. And as the conversation went on, I found out she used to be a preschool teacher. And of course, once the topic of homeschooling Caleb surfaced, I was bombarded with more questions that I've been asked before, such as how he is going to learn to play with other kids, to be independent, to be not so attached to me, to socialize, so on and so forth, especially he's the only kid...

It can get quite overwhelming at times with subtle "oppositions" like these even though I already know my stance on the issue which I would share from time to time with a receptive listener. I anticipate more of this kind of scenarios in the days ahead, and I pray for God's wisdom in my response that I may not only give an answer to the questioner but minister to him/her at the same time. And I thank God for the special touch of allowing me to meet a homeschooling mom just prior to the conversation this morning, and for the fact that 90% of the families at our church homeschool (so I always know where to go for support and resources)!

The road is definitely long ahead as I am so new in this. And it is hard sometimes seeing where God is leading and what comes around the bend in the road. But the Lord is good and I can trust in Him in all things.

Fix My Gaze

2006-04-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have been slowly going through John Piper's God is the Gospel these days and am enjoying it. It is soul awakening to be reminded of the fact that our ultimate joy in heaven is not in the absence of sickness and death or being able to enjoy the presence of our loved ones etc., but in the supreme pleasure of enjoying the presence of God, the Giver. So often I sadly find myself clinging on to the former.

Having gone through surgery three months ago, and then having been sick again for the past 6 weeks, I am definitely finding it difficult at times to not hope for health in this life. But God always speaks to me in His timing and during life's momentary trials. Piper speaks from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 the familiar passage of how our body is outwardly wasting away while inwardly being renewed. He said:

Though God does from time to time heal his people from their diseases in this life, and thus gives them a foretaste of the physical glorification that is coming, the experience of all Christians in this life is progressive aging and weakening and failing health and death.

At first glance, this seems pretty grim. But the matter of the fact is, our sickness and deteriorating body, and ultimately death, is a direct result of sin, and truly we deserve wrath and death. I was reminded recently in one of Piper's sermons that anything good that we experience in this life is possible only because Christ has redeemed it for us on the cross. And any healing and comfort is only because Christ has redeemed it for me on the cross. And my physical glorification one day is also because of what Christ has done. So I am grateful today for every little moment of comfort and rest and relief, plus so much more that I have been given which I don't deserve. And at the same time, remembering that I am to fix my gaze on Christ--the author and perfecter of my faith. He is the one who authors my faith and He is the one who will perfect it until the Day I see Him face to face. So I pray now that my gaze is to be fixed not on the good things in this life but on the glory of Christ which is beyond comparison!

"New Career"

2006-04-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am officially a full-time homemaker started this week, after having turned in my resignation two weeks ago. With many factors taken into consideration and as the Lord led, we decided it was time to do it though it was difficult.

Yesterday, we made a trip to Monterey to return my computer equipment and boxes and boxes of documents accumulated over the past 12 plus years. It was an emotional and nostalgic day for me. The sadness was already attenuated a bit by the fact that many coworkers with whom I had worked had also moved on in the past months. But the fact that it was my first job out of school and one that I stuck with for over 12 years made it a sentimental experience.

As I look back, I thank God for providing for me through this job, allowing me to telecommute for the past 7 years since we moved to San Jose. As I look forward, I am trembling with fear feeling very inadequate in this homemaking and homeschooling endeavor, especially with the fact that both Andy and I have been under the weather for the past month. I pray for God's grace and mercy in granting me faith to trust in His strength and not mine in the days ahead...

Q&A and a Bowl of Pho--by Andy

2006-04-07T02:49:00.000-07:00

If a Christian was asked, "What is the purpose of your life?" he or she would probably dutily answer, "to glorify God." I have been taught to say the same. It's a nice, short, easy to remember, and good Christian answer that seems to give glory to God and not to oneself.

Now, the first question in the Shorter Catechism is, "What is the chief end of man?" to which the answer, not as widely known to Christians as the one above, is, "Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever." Besides the fact that this answer may be more biblically full and compliant (you can disagree here if you like), I personally like this answer better than the other one for two reasons.

First, the first answer, although very godly and heroic, sounds too much like an obligation and a duty. If I was to utter those words, it would most likely be for me to make myself sound noble and self-sacrificing in front of the inquirer, while in the back of my mind, either I didn't mean it or I meant it in a more relaxed and degenerate sense of the phrase, ie. "to glorify God, uh when and if it does not cause me too much pain or inconvenience or when and if it also makes me feel good" or "to glorify God, uh later in life, maybe, after I've gotten everything I wanted out of life." But if I was to utter those words honestly without pretense, then it would feel as if I am doing it because I have to, out of a duty as a Christian, and I am not enjoying it one bit. So in either case, no matter how I say those three words, I feel like I am either a hypocrite or a stoic, and I end up not glorifying God by saying "to glorify God."

Second, I like the second answer because there's at least something in it for me, through the words "enjoy" and "for ever." Deep down, I think I naturally pursue enjoyment and happiness in life, just as what Pascal said. I don't know if I would have the gut to keep on believing in a God who would want to make my life miserable just so He would be glorified.

But then, after having said all that, I find myself asking, "How do I enjoy God?" This is where I am kinda stuck. I really know how to enjoy a bowl of pho. And I can really bask in the enjoyment of solving a tough bug at work, but how do I enjoy God? What do people mean when they say they enjoy God? My search for true enjoyment continues. I would know I have got it when/if one day God tastes better than a bowl of pho.

Sinclair Ferguson in his book The Christian Life, after quoting J. C. Ryle, says, "He was right not only doctrinally, but particularly at the level of practical Christian experience. Only as we begin to appreciate what we were before we became Christians (or what we would be naturally were we not Christians), do we begin to sense something of the immense grandeur of being new creatures in Christ." I wonder if this "immense grandeur" is something that would taste better than a bowl of pho. If so, then I'd like an extra large bowl of immense grandeur please. The quote from Ryle was,

He that wishes to attain right views about Christian holiness, must begin by examining the vast and solemn subject of sin. He must dig down very low if he would build high. A mistake here is most mischievous. Wrong views about holiness are generally traceable to wrong views about human corruption. I make no apology for beginning this volume of papers about holiness by making some plain statements about sins.
The plain truth is that a right knowledge of sin lies at the root of all saving Christianity. Without it such doctrines as justification, conversion, sanctification, are 'words and names' which convey no meaning to the mind. The first thing, therefore, that God does when he makes anyone a new creature in Christ, is to send light into his heart, and show him that he is a guilty sinner.

If Ryle and Ferguson are right, then to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever starts with a light, from God. What is the chief end of man again? I think I am going in circles.

Spring Rains (cont'd)--by Andy

2006-04-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

I opened to Matthew 8 and picked up from where I had left off the day before, the end of the sermon on the mount. After reading to chapter 11, I then went back and read through the first 7 chapters again. Having an extremely poor memory, I had to read and re-read these 11 chapters many times quickly just so that I could see all of them at one time. I also tried to recall what I've recently read from Sinclair Ferguson's The Sermon on the Mount. I was looking for what Matthew was trying to say, the point of it all, why He even wrote this book the way he did. God spoke to me in several places:

1. Jesus' response to John the Baptist's disciples in 11:5-6, "The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." This sounded like Jesus was referring to an OT prophecy (Isa 42:7) that John would have recognized, and Matthew made sure to record this in his account because he seemed to be obsessed about the OT and would go out of his way to point out these OT prophecies that he thought Jesus was fulfilling (the geneology in chapter 1; 1:22-23; 2:5-6, 15, 17-18, 23; 3:3; the temptation in chapter 4; 4:14-16; the sermon on the mount, 8:17, 9:13). But one other thing that stood out was how Jesus said that the good news is preached to the poor. I was asking myself, "Why the poor, who were the poor, and what about those who were not poor?" Who did the Jews consider "poor", and why was to good news preached to them especially, and not the others? This then also reminded me of all the miracle healings recounted by Matthew in these chapters, as proofs that what Jesus said in 11:5-6 was really true.

2. Jesus' response to the pharisees in 9:12-13, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." These two verses got me thinking for a long time. Jesus seemed to come for the "sick" and the "sinners" only. I was touched by this verse tonight especially because I felt that I fit both of these two labels exactly. It was the reflection upon my many sins that made me so sick that I had to go look for God in the bible. As I was reading through the accounts of the miracle healings, I felt I was in a worse condition than these lames, blinds, and deafs. I needed as much if not more healing from Jesus. I also felt poor, in all aspects, and I needed the good news preached to me. I needed mercy from Jesus, and it was comforting to read that mercy was what Jesus came to give and thus demanded the same of the pharisees. If He had wanted sacrifice, I would have become even more hopeless since I really had none to offer. I came to the bible tonight with nothing to offer but my many sins. I came as a beggar, so I paid special attention to how Jesus treated those who came to him. And as I re-read those passages the next observation came.

3. I noticed three different interactions between Jesus and the people. One interaction was that between Him and His disciples: Jesus called and sent them. The second interaction was that between Him and the sick: they came/followed/touched/knelt before Him. The third was that between Him and the pharisees and teachers of the law: they never came/followed, they just happened to be there and saw and observed and said things to Jesus. Jesus always taught His disciples, always had compassion and was gentle toward the sick, but always rebuked and reprimanded the pharisees. The words "come/came/followed" were everywhere in these chapters. Jesus never turned away anyone who came to Him, and those who came to Him were either sick or had some needs to ask of Him.

4. Finally, at the end of chapter 11, Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He really came to me through these verses.

Matthew's point seemed to be that Jesus was truly the one whom God spoke about in the OT who would come to usher in a kingdom, the characteristics of which were described in the sermon on the mount, and the people whom it would call into were those who were sick and needy and were invited to come through mercy and not sacrifice. Matthew seemed to have made his case, and I was comforted to know I could come.

Lastly, the quote "I desire mercy, not sacrifice" took me to Hosea, which talks about how Israel had deserted God and had no faithfulness, no love, and no acknowledgment of Him in the land. They have rejected God and committed prostitution with idols, and therefore have brought about God's anger against them. The prophet Hosea called Israel to return to God. He said in 14:1-2,

Return, O Israel to the LORD your God.
Your sins have been your downfall!
Take words with you and return to the LORD.
Say to him:
"Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously,
that we may offer the fruit of our lips."

And in 6:1-3,

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.

These words were very reassuring to me. Though I was weary and trodden by my own sins, sins of rejecting God and following my own desires, He has appeared to me as surely as the sun rises each morning. Though my sins beat hard on my soul just as the spring rains outside the window are pounding down hard on the roof, I was comforted that God has come and watered me as surely as He sent Israel the spring rains to water the earth.

Spring Rains--by Andy

2006-04-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

Spring has arrived, but it has been raining for unusually many days. The sky is always gray and gloomy, and many people are sick and under the weather. In general, everyone agrees it's just "bad weather" and California shouldn't be like this. We are all surprised at this long stretch of spring rains and wonder when it's going to be over.

I can now hear the raindrops striking hard on the roof outside the window. It's late at night, and after having spent some time in the word looking for comfort and hope, I decided to type up an entry, hopefully something encouraging to you if you were like me, trodden and weary looking for some hope and comfort to carry you another day.

It's unlike me to be encouraging, but I'll give it a try. Many good christians often end their day kneeling by their bed recounting their blessings throughout the day and thanking God for them. For me at the end of my day, my bad habit has me sitting on my bed counting my sins and wondering where God has been. I can be doing this until I am too tired and decide I need to sleep. On good days, I open the bible and look for God.

Well, tonight was probably a good night. God saw how hopeless and tired I was and mercifully broke through my stubbornness. I opened the bible, and as the spring rain poured, He came to me.

Learning to Speak English from a Native

2006-04-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

We recently bought a wood puzzle of the United States for Caleb to learn his States. One morning, when he showed me the State of Michigan and asked me what State it was, I said, "Michigan." Then he responded, "How come Mommy said 'Michigan' not 'Mishigan'?" Looking puzzled (no pun intended), I asked him what he meant. He repeated with emphasis, "How come Mommy said 'Mi-CHI-gan' not 'Mi-SHI-gan'?" It was then that I realized the difference he was trying to point out. And after looking up in the dictionary, which has become a permanent object on our dining table these days, I smiled at him and thanked him for correcting my pronounciation. Obviously he has heard Andy say the word and somehow picked up the difference. This is only just another word added to my long list of mispronounced words that I've discovered (mostly by Andy pointing out to me) in the past 20 years of being in this country. Often times I just tell Andy, "That's the British way of saying the word!" Ha...

But on a more serious note, it is daunting to realize I am going to be teaching English to a native! While it is true I am far from being fit to be a homeschooling mom, I am reminded that I am called not because I am fit, and quite the opposite, because none of us is fit. It is by God's strength and wisdom that I teach, in order that I may be humbled...

"Sermon Time"

2006-03-31T13:18:00.000-08:00

It has been our conviction (first my husband's) to have Caleb worship with us as a family during the entire Sunday worship service. But needless to say, training a youngster to "sit" through a 50-minute expository sermon is no easy feat. I recently got a tip from a sister who trains her children through what she calls "sermon time" during the week. They would all sit together and listen to a recorded sermon such as one from John MacArthur. What a wonderful idea! So, by God's grace, I finally got my act together to set aside time each weekday with Caleb to do "sermon time" as well. We've been listening online at Desiring God Radio. Each program is no more than 25 minutes long and it has been a blessing both for myself and for Caleb (I trust). I think pretty soon, Caleb will recognize with ease John Piper's voice, and more importantly, God's voice (John 10:27)... I pray that God will give me the diligence and persistence in this endeavor.

"I'm Three Years Old!"

2006-03-01T22:46:00.000-08:00

Caleb turned three today and we celebrated God's grace on his life as a family. The number 3 is in a way special since Caleb's birthday falls on 3/1/2003 and he was born at 33 weeks. In the pre-Cesarean days, both he and I would probably not have survived with my condition (complete placenta previa). But by the sovereign hand of God, He brought forth a new life and sustained another. May the Psalmist's words be those of Caleb's: "From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you." Psalm 71:6

On the Night He was Betrayed

2006-02-28T15:52:00.000-08:00

At all the churches I had attended in the past, communion was always observed once a month on the first Sunday of the month. I grew so accustomed to it that I never even questioned it, and perhaps have allowed it to become more of a ritual than anything. When we first attended Berean last year, one thing that stood out to us was that communion was observed on the second and fourth Sundays. Before we could even find out the rationale behind it, the elders announced a couple months later with their unanimous recommendation for the church to observe communion every single Sunday. It was their conviction that communion is a Christian meal to be enjoyed within the Body and with Christ as often as is possible. It is a means of grace through which we come empty-handed to recognize Christ as the giver.

The other Sunday, the elder that was leading us in communion reminded us from 1 Corinthians 11:23-26 that it was on the night Jesus was betrayed that He took bread, gave thanks, broke it, and said, "This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." We come not as anyone worthy, not as anyone with anything good, for our righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), or, even more explicitly as Andy put it, like feminine pads (Ezekiel 36:17). We come as someone who has betrayed the Lord Jesus. The Table is not a place where we bring anything, it is a place where Christ has given everything.

I've enjoyed celebrating this meal with my brothers and sisters on a weekly basis as part of worship. It brings me back to the cross, to the night He was betrayed, to be in awe of His wonderful love for me--the worst sinner and betrayer. Blessed be the name of the Lord! Who is like Him?!

Pray for Piper

2006-02-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

John Piper has been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and his surgery is scheduled for February 14. More information can found here so we can pray together with him. Having gone through recently what might be considered insignificant compared to Piper's diagnosis, I can testify so much more to what he shares in his announcements than if I hadn't experienced a small version of it myself.

With four small incisions in my abdomen healing away, I agree with Piper on the many reasons to "pray for God's sovereign hand to be on man and machine" as he also undergoes a laparoscopic procedure. It is God's grace on those who no longer need to be cut wide open!

Even after the surgery, I've had conversations with Andy about how we would know if the surgeon I had was good or not. We just went with what our family doctor recommended, no second opinions, no excessive consideration of alternative treatments. A lot of "what ifs?" did come up. But our conclusion was as Piper puts it, "The best surgeon can have a bad day. An average surgeon can have a really good day. In the end, God decides." In God, there is no "What if?" And I would also have to say Amen to what Piper quoted John Newton in saying: "Everything is needful that He sends; nothing can be needful that He withholds."

So let us pray with John Piper, not for changing the eternal plan of God, but for our sanctification and for His glory.

Piper on Missions

2006-02-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

It was 3 a.m., and the old lady that I was sharing a room with in the hospital woke me with her loud snore. Good thing when Andy and Caleb left earlier that evening, they had placed an MP3 player next to my bed. I grabbed it hoping to use it as my earplugs, and at the same time I turned it on to see what's on it.

With the snoring fading in the background, John Piper's voice came up. It was a message he had given a long long time ago at Wheaton College entitled "Doing Missions When Dying Is Gain." Typical of Piper, the message was delivered with much conviction and passion. Even with the morphine and remnants of anesthesia in my bloodstream, I was kept awake throughout the sermon though not sure how much I have retained...

In one part of the sermon, Piper mentioned how the first question pastors who were interviewing at his church would ask was "Will my kids be safe here?" I assume the church must be in a neighborhood that is not very safe. Yet Piper lives there and ministers there. He is honest in dealing with realities of life. And he sees the steadfast love of God better than life.

Here I was lying there bothered by someone's snore, and to a greater extent, I often hold physical comfort and security as something hard to let go of in life. I pray for God's mercy on me. And I pray this message will humble you as much as it did me.

Gospel Centrality

2006-02-05T12:02:00.000-08:00

Mark Lauterbach was invited to our church a couple weeks ago to give a series of seminar on Gospel Centrality. Due to my surgery, we missed the opportunity of attending in person. But the files are now available if you are interested. We hope the message will prove impactful to you and your faith. This series of seminar is the first of what our church is using to help us own the core value of Gospel Centrality as a body so that all we do as a church and individually will stem from the Gospel and nothing else. Andy has finished listening to it and I hope to get to it soon.

Alas, and Did My Savior Bleed

2006-02-05T11:33:00.000-08:00

Was listening to this old hymn in new tunes on the Songs for the Cross Centered Life album this morning during my time of worship while Andy and Caleb went to church. Just wanted to share the words from the first verse and chorus, which deeply reminded me again of how sinful a worm I am, and how this knowledge and realization is so utterly important to my understanding of and response to the truth of the gospel...

Alas, and did my Savior bleed, and did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head for such a worm as I?
Was it for sins that I had done He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity, grace unknown, and love beyond degree.

My God, why would You shed Your blood, so pure and undefiled,
To make a sinful one like me Your chosen precious child?

Listen to it if you have time, and all the rest in the album too! May the message of the cross be ever resonating in our hearts.

"Gung Hay Fat Choy"

2006-02-03T15:00:00.000-08:00

Here's Caleb saying "Happy Lunar New Year" in his new outfit from my mom.

Nice Co-Workers

2006-02-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

Andy returned to work yesterday after having taken a week off for my surgery. He came home telling me that the first question he got from those who greeted him at the office was "How's Grace?" and not "How are you?" He responded to his co-workers, "How about me?" thinking in his mind "I was the one slaving away this past week!" Andy's blessed with caring people at work, some of whom even sent me flowers after my surgery--a touch of blessing from above.

Life as a Vapor

2006-02-02T15:20:00.000-08:00

While I was reading R. C. Sproul's The Invisible Hand this past week, I also picked up John Piper's Life As A Vapor from Andy's collection. It's been a week since my surgery and I am grateful to God for speaking to me through His own Word and through the writings of His servants. R. C. Sproul's comprehensive and profound analysis and presentation of the topic on God's Providence was very impactful to me, and John Piper's honesty in dealing with life as a vapor was a challenge to deepen my faith in a God who is sovereign, merciful, and wise. These three characters are important to my understanding of and response to life's light and momentary trials. I had wanted to quote something from Piper's book but realized I would end up quoting the whole book!

As I reflect on this past week, I want to thank God for:

Sending this timely trial to refine my faith
Granting me peace as an answer to my prayer in each step of the process, from learning about the diagnosis to the last dose of anesthesia injected before I fell asleep
Allowing Andy to take a week off to take care of Caleb and me
Brothers and sisters and family who prayed with and for me
Strength and grace in my recovery process

I have much growing to do still in this short life and I ask for God's mercy and patience in teaching me. I pray that as this momentary vapor prepares me for eternal glory I will catch a glimpse of it beginning in this life by finding my satisfaction in Him alone.

The Invisible Hand

2006-01-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Months of pain and discomfort have arrived at the diagnosis of gallstones. A laparoscopic cholecystectomy is scheduled for Wednesday. A surge of fear and anxiety consumed my heart when I was at the surgeon's office last Monday for the diagnosis and recommendations. Even though it is likely to be a minor surgery, I felt God was using it to further refine me and my faith that needed so much to be exercised.

I remembered a book Andy had on God's providence, and sure enough I found R. C. Sproul's "The Invisible Hand--Do All Things Really Work for Good" on the shelf. I'm going through it as a reminder of God's Providence in the midst of my light and momentary trials. Though the procedure, outcome, and side effects are unknown to me, God knows it all perfectly. And His purpose is wise and holy. The Word of the Lord comforts me in saying: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father." (Matthew 10: 29)

I thank my God for my victory in Him through Jesus Christ. And I thank God for the assurance I find in His Word and not in man's words. There have been moments I desperately needed peace this past week and I praise the Lord for granting that to me each time I cried out to Him. I look forward to finishing this book during my recovery, and the opportunity of reading many more by John Piper that Andy has collected on his shelf.

His hand, though invisible, is near. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

From the Lips of Children

2006-01-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

We've been going through the Foundation Verses with Caleb for a while now and he can recite up to about 20 verses with prompts here and there. I must admit how little "faith" I had when I first saw this pack that Andy ordered. I looked through it and thought to myself, "even I as an adult would have trouble reciting or memorizing these 76 verses."

Andy's been going through the verses with Caleb each night, and since we still have the baby monitor in Caleb's room, I actually get to eavesdrop on their nightly activity. It is a blessing for me to hear the verses recited as part of my own devotion too, being reminded of God's wonderful promises and character. I am amazed not because as a 2.5-year-old Caleb can memorize and articulate the words, but by God's enabling of the little heart and lips that are so evil and depraved to utter Biblical truth. I pray this will lay a foundation for him and that God will cause him to respond in faith one day.

"What You Feel Vs. What Is Real"

2006-01-11T23:05:00.000-08:00

I was introduced recently to the Sovereign Grace Ministries, and have purchased, in addition to a couple of music CDs, what is known as the little orange book--"The Cross Centered Life" by C. J. Mahaney--as a starter. I was reading the chapter "What You Feel Vs. What Is Real--Basing Your Faith in Christ's Finished Work at the Cross" and it spoke to me personally.

An excerpt from the chapter:

We can either listen to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can talk to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what He's accomplished for us at the cross.

Far too often we choose to passively listen to ourselves. We sit back and let our view of God and life be shaped by our constantly shifting feelings about our everchanging circumstances. Life is busy. Often hard. Full of distractions.

...our emotions shouldn't be vested with final authority. This should be reserved for God's Word alone.

I find myself being described by C. J. Mahaney in this chapter as I far too often find my feelings speaking louder than God's promises, especially during times of physical weakness. I've been having some stomach ailments for a while and am going through some tests ordered by the doctor. I pray that despite the physical pain that I am feeling, God grants me the ability to "live in the good of what is true and unchanging--God's grace to me through the cross." And then I shall know the pain too has been for His glory.

Go on up, you baldhead!--by Andy

2006-01-02T02:02:00.000-08:00

2 Kings 2:23-25 is one of my favorite passages in the Bible, and those who have seen me would understand why (or you can just look at the picture and you would know). The first time I ran across this passage, besides my natural affinity toward the story, two things came to mind: 1) It was weird that something like that was recorded in the Bible (for what purpose?), and 2) Why did a prophet of God cause such senseless killing of 42 innocent kids? (worse than modern day road rage). Well, I got the first question cleared while taking a class on hermeneutics and having to write a paper on it a few years back, but I am still chewing on the second one.

As I have been going through the book 2 Kings, I've come to find the prophet Elisha more and more interesting (maybe I should do a post on this), but I have also found lots of murders and killings recorded in the book. For example, I've just read 19:35, where the author said that "the angel of the LORD went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand men in the Assyrian camp." And it all happened in just one night! That's a lot of people killed, in light of how much our nation, and the world, has been mourning over the deaths caused by recent events like 9/11, the tsunami, Katrina, and the Iraq war. Many religious people including Christian pastors have done their duty to "defend" God and clear him of any responsibility in the deaths of these recent events, but how would they explain why God sent two bears to maul 42 kids just because they made fun of the bald prophet and wiped out 185 thousand men just because they were enemies of his chosen people Israel? Unlike the recent events, these two passages left no doubt as to who was responsible for those deaths.

More and more chewing seems to lead me to the same conclusion that Job expressed, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:21) Or James said it in another way, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:14) We usually hear religious people say that "life is precious" as if every life deserves to be living and respected. Either God didn't hold the same view or He had a very soft spot for baldies. If He could do that to 42 kids, imagine what else He could do. God caused millions of deaths in the Bible, and boldly claimed responsibility for them (I think He even drowned the whole earth once). He needs no defenders. Job and his friends learned that lesson, and Job said of God in the end, "I know that you can do all things...Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know...Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." (Job 42:2-6) I've done much worse than those kids, and the Assyrians, why am I still alive? God loves baldies? Such grace and mercies, too wonderful for me to ever know. Maybe I should be chewing on that instead?!

Adopted by the King

2005-12-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

While in Hong Kong, we actually met up with our friends from the US who happened to be on their way to pick up their adopted daughter from China. On the way back to their hotel from dinner, I asked this sister if she had prepared something special to give the baby girl when they meet her. Her response was that they were so busy with paperwork and preparing to travel with two toddlers of their own on this trip, she had barely the time to pack the day before. That evening, as I was reflecting on our conversation, it dawned on me that this sister had already given the baby girl the greatest gift of adoption. As I am reminded in Ephesians 1:4-6: In love, God predestined us to be adopted as His sons and daughters in accordance with His pleasure and will. I, unworthy as I am, have been adopted by the King. What glorious gift!

Post-Trip Reflections

2005-12-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

We've actually been back from Hong Kong for over a month now but with a toddler, schedules take a while to get back to a routine. So I finally got the opportunity to sit down and reflect on our trip and the things for which we want to thank the Lord:

God was merciful to us in granting pleasant flights to and from Hong Kong. Though we dreaded the 14-hour flight with a toddler who had never flown, Caleb did exceptionally well, enjoying the meals and everything new to him on the plane.
Caleb was potty trained a month prior to the trip so we didn't have to stink up my parents' flat or deal with having to change him out in the public. God's gracious to us...
Meeting up with old friends and classmates and relatives was a blessing. It always makes me nostalgic...
With only two weeks on hand, we scrambled to purchase a computer and necessary accessories for my parents and got broadband internet service set up for them before we left. We now can email, talk with, and see each other on the internet. What a blessing!
Though we suffered from jetlag pretty much throughout the two weeks and Caleb did catch a cold for a few days, we are grateful that Andy and I stayed well, except for some stomach ailments, and the Lord sustained us all throughout by His grace.
Last of all, God granted me a big helper--one who had to rush with Caleb in search for the men's room each time Caleb cried "Need to go pee pee," the IT person plus system administrator for my parents, my voice-activated portable stroller, and much more...

"Gung-Gung and I on the See-Saw"

2005-11-23T17:07:00.000-08:00

My dad returned to the U.S. with us from our Hong Kong trip and is visiting for 3 weeks. After having been in Hong Kong for 2 weeks with both air and noise pollution, we have learned to appreciate the clean air and sunny skies in California. My dad, Caleb, and I enjoyed a nice morning out at a nearby park breathing fresh crisp air. Here is grandpa and grandson playing on the see-saw...

How Deep His Love--by Andy

2005-11-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

I got to finish the few last chapters of 1 Kings this morning, and I was touched by the great lengths that God went through to bring His people back to Him. In my last blog on the story of Elijah on Mount Carmel, God showed Himself as LORD to win the hearts of His people through the dramatic confrontation between Elijah and the 450 prophets of Baal. The people who witnessed it fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD--he is God! The LORD--he is God!" Then they had the 450 prophets seized and slaughtered. King Ahab was also present, but there was no mention of his repenting heart. The last few chapters of the book records mainly how God then continued to deal with King Ahab.

Chapter 20 recounted how God used two invasions by King Ben-Hadad of Aram to show Ahab again that He was the LORD God (v13, v28). God delivered the Arameans and King Ben-Hadad into Ahab's hands in battles where there were just 7000 Israelites against the vast army of over a hundred thousand of Arameans. Verse 27 says, "The Israelites camped opposite them like two small flocks of goats, while the Arameans covered the countryside." King Ahab remained disobedient to God inspite of this. Then God sent a prophet to tell Ahab how He will punish him for his disobedience. Chapter 21 told a story where Ahab wickedly killed a man to take his vineyard and the kind of death Ahab was prophesied to have because of his wicked act. Finally in chapter 22, God brought about a battle between Ahab and the Arameans in which, even though the Aramean army had already been severely weakened in the last two encounters with the Israelites, He not only caused the Israelites to lose but also King Ahab to die exactly the way it was prophesied. Throughout these three chapters, it was so amazing for me to see the sovereign and gracious hand of God involved in the smallest little details in how He dealt with King Ahab. God even put lying spirits in the mouths of all of Ahab's prophets to entice him into going to war with the Arameans (v23). He also caused the king of Aram to hunt only for Ahab in the battle (v31), and, even though Ahab disguised himself, he was fatally shot by a "random" arrow "between the sections of his armor." (v34). In these chapters, the author of the book clearly wanted to send me the message that God is LORD in how He sovereignly orchestrated the life and death of Ahab.

I also, however, saw in these chapters the depth of God's love toward His people. He went through great lengths to warn the prophets of Baal and king Ahab, the two governing offices that He used to guide His people. He planned the death of Ahab in such a miraculous way that the people would know that He is LORD, so that they would fear Him and return to Him. All of this reminded me again of God's ultimate plan, his salvation plan, where He orchestrated the death of His own Son Jesus such that He may turn my heart to Him. I pray that I might feel grateful and humbled by such deep love upon such a wicked sinner like me. Who is like the LORD our God?

From the Peak

2005-11-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we took the Star Ferry across the Hong Kong Harbor and then the Peak Tram up Victoria Peak. Here is a view from atop the peak. The ever increasing population in Hong Kong still amazes me. High rises continue to be built amidst the already overcrowded streets and reclaimed land. To recover from the damage on the economy done by the SARS epidemic, the government has signed new laws issuing individual tourist visas for visitors from Mainland China to travel here. I was told up to 30,000 Mainland visitors are admitted each day. With the breathtaking view before us, we ask for God's grace on this land and people.

Reading Companion

2005-11-04T02:47:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago, upon the recommendation of a sister on a devotional guide plus daily bible reading schedule, Andy ordered the 2-volume devotional companion by D. A. Carson as a birthday present for me. I've started using it for a couple of months now and have been enjoying it. I would recommend it as well to anyone who is serious about reading the bible on a daily basis with a companion that is bible-based rather than cliche-like, fluffy, or overly applicational. I had been following another bible reading schedule without a guide prior to this one, and my other flowery devotional guides are just collecting dust on the shelf. I am thankful that I was introduced to this classic reading companion to help me read the bible systematically.

As this sister pointed out, the author says:

If you must skip something, skip this book; read the Bible instead.

That is what I have been doing during this two-week trip in Hong Kong since I did not bring along the thick devotional guide. Though we have been here for over a week already, I'm still suffering from jet lag, waking up sometimes at 4 in the morning. So I would find myself reading during the wee hours. I thank the Lord for the sweetness in His Word and pray for a continued yearning for the jewels that lie within.

A Day at HK Disneyland

2005-11-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we visited the new Disneyland in Hong Kong with my mom and dad. My dad had been looking forward to the opportunity of taking his grandson to this newly opened theme park. It's a mini version of the one in Orange County. Caleb enjoyed it all except for the muggy weather.

"Watching Por-Por Do Tai-Chi"

2005-11-01T20:41:00.000-08:00

We are at the halfway point of our two-week trip in Hong Kong. Caleb and I strolled about a mile down the hill this morning to watch my mom do Tai-Chi at a neighborhood park. She goes three times a week as a form of exercise. Here is a picture of her in action.

My Helplessness--by Andy

2005-10-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I found myself sitting in a Chinese-speaking church service in Hong Kong reading through John 6 while the pastor went on and on with something I later found out was just a story of some guy who lived a meaningless life. The story must have been captivating judging from the pastor's story-telling enthusiasm and the audience's attention, but since I couldn't understand a single word and had nothing else to put my mind to, I read and re-read John 6 until the service was over. During my reading, however, I occasionally looked up at the pastor and the congregation and wondered what the pastor was talking about. As I noticed that he was not preaching from the scripture passage and that the congregation was not reading from their bible, my thoughts wandered back to an often visited topic, that of the dreadful helplessness of the sinful state of man.

A verse in this chapter made me think. Right after Jesus gave the Jewish audience the bold claim, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty," He continued in verse 36, "But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe." In the past, I usually skipped over this little verse that was overshadowed by the big one right before it. This time, it caught my attention because it reminded me of something that a friend of mine, a gentle and humble person who grew up in a Christian family, told me one time. I couldn't recall his exact words, but what I understood was that even if God were to stand in front of him, he would not believe and would turn and run the other way. This verse also reminded me of another person I know, whom I ran into just the day before, who is well acquainted with Christianity and yet does not believe the truthfulness of its claims. Is believing in Jesus a choice for them, and they chose to reject? Is deciding for Jesus within their capabilities?

Before I became a believer, I used to think that if God were to show Himself right in front of me, that would have been enough convincing for me to become a Christian. Then after I became one, I was taught to believe that salvation was just a choice and I had the power to choose. God was standing on one side and Evolution the other, both with their arms open, and all I had to do was to pick one. And I made the final wise choice and picked the one that would give my life meaning and eventually usher me into heaven. This verse 6:36, however, made me realize that I am as helpless as my two friends, as well as the Jewish audience two thousand years ago, when it comes to choosing to believe. Were the choice up to me, I think I would also run the other way if God were to show Himself in front of me. Or even worse, I might just spit in His face and throw a few cuss words at Him before I run away in spite and protest.

The Jews in Jesus's audience believed in Moses who gave their forefathers manna in the desert. And being also decendents of father Abraham, they thought they were in with God. They thought salvation was just a choice they could make on their own by observing the Mosaic law. But Jesus showed up and told them that He came down from heaven to be the real bread for only those whom the Father has enabled (v65), has chosen (v70),has drawn to Himself (v44), and has given to His son (v37), so that they who eat of this bread will receive salvation. Those who did not believe were offended at His claim to be the bread of life. Jesus then told those who were offended, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him." I realized only recently that I came to Jesus only because God has already enabled me and drawn me to Himself.

I feel so helpless when I think about the fact that even the smallest little act, the act of believing, was impossible for me to do on my own. If I could not perform such a simple mental act, how would I ever be able to claim as my own any other worthy acts in life, whether mental or physical? I thank God for saving me when I could not, and I pray that Jesus lives in me and works through me as I live.

"My First Flight"

2005-10-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

Here's Caleb enjoying breakfast on his first flight, a 14-hour flight aboard Singapore Air for Hong Kong.

Turning Their Hearts Back Again--by Andy

2005-10-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

I was reading 1 Kings 18 today, the chapter on the well known story about the confrontation between Elijah, a prophet of God, and the 450 prophets of Baal on mount Carmel in front of a large audience of Israelites, including Israel King Ahab. The story has been one of my favorites and I have always enjoyed reading it. Each time, I would try to picture the scenes as the plot unfolds, and the ending would always leave me with a good feeling as if I was part of the winning team in a great battle between good and evil.

What caught my attention this time, however, was Elijah's little prayer as it came to his turn to call on his God. I don't know Elijah's exact prayer up there on top of Mount Carmel, but what the author recorded in verses 36 and 37 was, "O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again." What specifically touched me was the part about God turning hearts. It then dawned on me that the message of this whole action-packed heroic story may have been about God's wanting to turn the hearts of His people Israelites back to Him, away from the idols that they have been led to worship by king Ahab. As I was thinking these thoughts, the story about Elijah and the widow in the previous chapter 17 came back to mind. After having received miraculous provision of food for herself and her son and especially after the resurrection of her son, the widow said to Elijah, as recorded in verse 24, "Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the LORD from your mouth is the truth." This response, I thought, was similar to the response Elijah was asking for on Mount Carmel--a change of heart. God changed the widow's heart in the town of Zarephath, and He changed the Israelites' hearts on Mount Carmel. All of a sudden, my hero Elijah, and other characters in the story, began to fade into the background, and the true Hero began to emerge. What I had always thought a juicy battle between the good and bad prophets now became a merciful act of changing hearts by a kind and gracious God.

And a changed heart is what I truly and really need when I search deep within myself. I remember reading Jer 17:9 where it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" I am humbled by and grateful to the God who could see and understand my deceitful heart and yet chose to give me the cure for it. I thank Him for turning my heart back to Him and giving me a new life of faith in His Son Jesus Christ who died for me on Calvary.

"Because?"

2005-10-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

As a 2-year-old, Caleb's been asking a lot of "why" sort of questions. He would usually utter "Because?" after we tell him something.

We've been going through the foundation verses with him and he has learned to recite quite a few. Today, as he and I were reciting Psalm 1:6 together, after the last phrase: "the way of the wicked will perish" he again said to me "Because?" I thought I could offer him a simple answer, but I ended up saying, "You will have to ask daddy tonight," which has been my favorite response lately to this new inquisitor in our house.

Even though the responsibility seemed to have shifted off my shoulder, I was somehow moved to think about the verse on a deeper level. During Caleb's nap time, I started looking up the verse and meditating on it. And as I studied it, I realized while the NIV version says "The LORD watches over the way of the righteous," the phrase "watches over" comes from the verb "know" which expresses an intimate knowledge with love and concern. He knows intimately those who belong to Him, while those who do not belong to Him end in destruction (separation from God and hence His intimate knowledge and care).

Although I may not have fully comprehended all aspects of the verse or passage, I thank the Lord for the blessing of Caleb's simple question "Because?" which has helped me behold a glimpse of the treasure in God's Word today. The Lord knows me deeply and intimately.

For His Glory--by Andy

2005-10-18T21:53:00.000-07:00

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