"Homeschooling???"

It was a really nice day out after weeks of rain. Caleb and I went to a nearby park this morning to meet up with another mother from the church we used to attend. This friend and her 2-year-old daughter were lost and ended up getting there late. And God granted me the opportunity, while waiting at the park, to meet a homeschooling mom with her youngest five children (the older four are in private high school). It was quite an experience chatting a little bit with a mom of 9 homeschooling 5 while I am fretting homeschooling 1!!!

My friend finally arrived with her daughter and also called up another sister who lived nearby to join us. This other sister who also attends our old church has a 10-month old. She started asking me if I am sending Caleb to preschool, which is an all-too-common question I get these days as Caleb is already 3. And as the conversation went on, I found out she used to be a preschool teacher. And of course, once the topic of homeschooling Caleb surfaced, I was bombarded with more questions that I've been asked before, such as how he is going to learn to play with other kids, to be independent, to be not so attached to me, to socialize, so on and so forth, especially he's the only kid...

It can get quite overwhelming at times with subtle "oppositions" like these even though I already know my stance on the issue which I would share from time to time with a receptive listener. I anticipate more of this kind of scenarios in the days ahead, and I pray for God's wisdom in my response that I may not only give an answer to the questioner but minister to him/her at the same time. And I thank God for the special touch of allowing me to meet a homeschooling mom just prior to the conversation this morning, and for the fact that 90% of the families at our church homeschool (so I always know where to go for support and resources)!

The road is definitely long ahead as I am so new in this. And it is hard sometimes seeing where God is leading and what comes around the bend in the road. But the Lord is good and I can trust in Him in all things.

Fix My Gaze

I have been slowly going through John Piper's God is the Gospel these days and am enjoying it. It is soul awakening to be reminded of the fact that our ultimate joy in heaven is not in the absence of sickness and death or being able to enjoy the presence of our loved ones etc., but in the supreme pleasure of enjoying the presence of God, the Giver. So often I sadly find myself clinging on to the former.

Having gone through surgery three months ago, and then having been sick again for the past 6 weeks, I am definitely finding it difficult at times to not hope for health in this life. But God always speaks to me in His timing and during life's momentary trials. Piper speaks from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 the familiar passage of how our body is outwardly wasting away while inwardly being renewed. He said:

Though God does from time to time heal his people from their diseases in this life, and thus gives them a foretaste of the physical glorification that is coming, the experience of all Christians in this life is progressive aging and weakening and failing health and death.

At first glance, this seems pretty grim. But the matter of the fact is, our sickness and deteriorating body, and ultimately death, is a direct result of sin, and truly we deserve wrath and death. I was reminded recently in one of Piper's sermons that anything good that we experience in this life is possible only because Christ has redeemed it for us on the cross. And any healing and comfort is only because Christ has redeemed it for me on the cross. And my physical glorification one day is also because of what Christ has done. So I am grateful today for every little moment of comfort and rest and relief, plus so much more that I have been given which I don't deserve. And at the same time, remembering that I am to fix my gaze on Christ--the author and perfecter of my faith. He is the one who authors my faith and He is the one who will perfect it until the Day I see Him face to face. So I pray now that my gaze is to be fixed not on the good things in this life but on the glory of Christ which is beyond comparison!

"New Career"

I am officially a full-time homemaker started this week, after having turned in my resignation two weeks ago. With many factors taken into consideration and as the Lord led, we decided it was time to do it though it was difficult.

Yesterday, we made a trip to Monterey to return my computer equipment and boxes and boxes of documents accumulated over the past 12 plus years. It was an emotional and nostalgic day for me. The sadness was already attenuated a bit by the fact that many coworkers with whom I had worked had also moved on in the past months. But the fact that it was my first job out of school and one that I stuck with for over 12 years made it a sentimental experience.

As I look back, I thank God for providing for me through this job, allowing me to telecommute for the past 7 years since we moved to San Jose. As I look forward, I am trembling with fear feeling very inadequate in this homemaking and homeschooling endeavor, especially with the fact that both Andy and I have been under the weather for the past month. I pray for God's grace and mercy in granting me faith to trust in His strength and not mine in the days ahead...

Q&A and a Bowl of Pho--by Andy

If a Christian was asked, "What is the purpose of your life?" he or she would probably dutily answer, "to glorify God." I have been taught to say the same. It's a nice, short, easy to remember, and good Christian answer that seems to give glory to God and not to oneself.

Now, the first question in the Shorter Catechism is, "What is the chief end of man?" to which the answer, not as widely known to Christians as the one above, is, "Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever." Besides the fact that this answer may be more biblically full and compliant (you can disagree here if you like), I personally like this answer better than the other one for two reasons.

First, the first answer, although very godly and heroic, sounds too much like an obligation and a duty. If I was to utter those words, it would most likely be for me to make myself sound noble and self-sacrificing in front of the inquirer, while in the back of my mind, either I didn't mean it or I meant it in a more relaxed and degenerate sense of the phrase, ie. "to glorify God, uh when and if it does not cause me too much pain or inconvenience or when and if it also makes me feel good" or "to glorify God, uh later in life, maybe, after I've gotten everything I wanted out of life." But if I was to utter those words honestly without pretense, then it would feel as if I am doing it because I have to, out of a duty as a Christian, and I am not enjoying it one bit. So in either case, no matter how I say those three words, I feel like I am either a hypocrite or a stoic, and I end up not glorifying God by saying "to glorify God."

Second, I like the second answer because there's at least something in it for me, through the words "enjoy" and "for ever." Deep down, I think I naturally pursue enjoyment and happiness in life, just as what Pascal said. I don't know if I would have the gut to keep on believing in a God who would want to make my life miserable just so He would be glorified.

But then, after having said all that, I find myself asking, "How do I enjoy God?" This is where I am kinda stuck. I really know how to enjoy a bowl of pho. And I can really bask in the enjoyment of solving a tough bug at work, but how do I enjoy God? What do people mean when they say they enjoy God? My search for true enjoyment continues. I would know I have got it when/if one day God tastes better than a bowl of pho.

Sinclair Ferguson in his book The Christian Life, after quoting J. C. Ryle, says, "He was right not only doctrinally, but particularly at the level of practical Christian experience. Only as we begin to appreciate what we were before we became Christians (or what we would be naturally were we not Christians), do we begin to sense something of the immense grandeur of being new creatures in Christ." I wonder if this "immense grandeur" is something that would taste better than a bowl of pho. If so, then I'd like an extra large bowl of immense grandeur please. The quote from Ryle was,

He that wishes to attain right views about Christian holiness, must begin by examining the vast and solemn subject of sin. He must dig down very low if he would build high. A mistake here is most mischievous. Wrong views about holiness are generally traceable to wrong views about human corruption. I make no apology for beginning this volume of papers about holiness by making some plain statements about sins.
The plain truth is that a right knowledge of sin lies at the root of all saving Christianity. Without it such doctrines as justification, conversion, sanctification, are 'words and names' which convey no meaning to the mind. The first thing, therefore, that God does when he makes anyone a new creature in Christ, is to send light into his heart, and show him that he is a guilty sinner.

If Ryle and Ferguson are right, then to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever starts with a light, from God. What is the chief end of man again? I think I am going in circles.

Spring Rains (cont'd)--by Andy

I opened to Matthew 8 and picked up from where I had left off the day before, the end of the sermon on the mount. After reading to chapter 11, I then went back and read through the first 7 chapters again. Having an extremely poor memory, I had to read and re-read these 11 chapters many times quickly just so that I could see all of them at one time. I also tried to recall what I've recently read from Sinclair Ferguson's The Sermon on the Mount. I was looking for what Matthew was trying to say, the point of it all, why He even wrote this book the way he did. God spoke to me in several places:

1. Jesus' response to John the Baptist's disciples in 11:5-6, "The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." This sounded like Jesus was referring to an OT prophecy (Isa 42:7) that John would have recognized, and Matthew made sure to record this in his account because he seemed to be obsessed about the OT and would go out of his way to point out these OT prophecies that he thought Jesus was fulfilling (the geneology in chapter 1; 1:22-23; 2:5-6, 15, 17-18, 23; 3:3; the temptation in chapter 4; 4:14-16; the sermon on the mount, 8:17, 9:13). But one other thing that stood out was how Jesus said that the good news is preached to the poor. I was asking myself, "Why the poor, who were the poor, and what about those who were not poor?" Who did the Jews consider "poor", and why was to good news preached to them especially, and not the others? This then also reminded me of all the miracle healings recounted by Matthew in these chapters, as proofs that what Jesus said in 11:5-6 was really true.

2. Jesus' response to the pharisees in 9:12-13, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." These two verses got me thinking for a long time. Jesus seemed to come for the "sick" and the "sinners" only. I was touched by this verse tonight especially because I felt that I fit both of these two labels exactly. It was the reflection upon my many sins that made me so sick that I had to go look for God in the bible. As I was reading through the accounts of the miracle healings, I felt I was in a worse condition than these lames, blinds, and deafs. I needed as much if not more healing from Jesus. I also felt poor, in all aspects, and I needed the good news preached to me. I needed mercy from Jesus, and it was comforting to read that mercy was what Jesus came to give and thus demanded the same of the pharisees. If He had wanted sacrifice, I would have become even more hopeless since I really had none to offer. I came to the bible tonight with nothing to offer but my many sins. I came as a beggar, so I paid special attention to how Jesus treated those who came to him. And as I re-read those passages the next observation came.

3. I noticed three different interactions between Jesus and the people. One interaction was that between Him and His disciples: Jesus called and sent them. The second interaction was that between Him and the sick: they came/followed/touched/knelt before Him. The third was that between Him and the pharisees and teachers of the law: they never came/followed, they just happened to be there and saw and observed and said things to Jesus. Jesus always taught His disciples, always had compassion and was gentle toward the sick, but always rebuked and reprimanded the pharisees. The words "come/came/followed" were everywhere in these chapters. Jesus never turned away anyone who came to Him, and those who came to Him were either sick or had some needs to ask of Him.

4. Finally, at the end of chapter 11, Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He really came to me through these verses.

Matthew's point seemed to be that Jesus was truly the one whom God spoke about in the OT who would come to usher in a kingdom, the characteristics of which were described in the sermon on the mount, and the people whom it would call into were those who were sick and needy and were invited to come through mercy and not sacrifice. Matthew seemed to have made his case, and I was comforted to know I could come.

Lastly, the quote "I desire mercy, not sacrifice" took me to Hosea, which talks about how Israel had deserted God and had no faithfulness, no love, and no acknowledgment of Him in the land. They have rejected God and committed prostitution with idols, and therefore have brought about God's anger against them. The prophet Hosea called Israel to return to God. He said in 14:1-2,

Return, O Israel to the LORD your God.
Your sins have been your downfall!
Take words with you and return to the LORD.
Say to him:
"Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously,
that we may offer the fruit of our lips."

And in 6:1-3,

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.

These words were very reassuring to me. Though I was weary and trodden by my own sins, sins of rejecting God and following my own desires, He has appeared to me as surely as the sun rises each morning. Though my sins beat hard on my soul just as the spring rains outside the window are pounding down hard on the roof, I was comforted that God has come and watered me as surely as He sent Israel the spring rains to water the earth.

Spring Rains--by Andy

Spring has arrived, but it has been raining for unusually many days. The sky is always gray and gloomy, and many people are sick and under the weather. In general, everyone agrees it's just "bad weather" and California shouldn't be like this. We are all surprised at this long stretch of spring rains and wonder when it's going to be over.

I can now hear the raindrops striking hard on the roof outside the window. It's late at night, and after having spent some time in the word looking for comfort and hope, I decided to type up an entry, hopefully something encouraging to you if you were like me, trodden and weary looking for some hope and comfort to carry you another day.

It's unlike me to be encouraging, but I'll give it a try. Many good christians often end their day kneeling by their bed recounting their blessings throughout the day and thanking God for them. For me at the end of my day, my bad habit has me sitting on my bed counting my sins and wondering where God has been. I can be doing this until I am too tired and decide I need to sleep. On good days, I open the bible and look for God.

Well, tonight was probably a good night. God saw how hopeless and tired I was and mercifully broke through my stubbornness. I opened the bible, and as the spring rain poured, He came to me.

Learning to Speak English from a Native

We recently bought a wood puzzle of the United States for Caleb to learn his States. One morning, when he showed me the State of Michigan and asked me what State it was, I said, "Michigan." Then he responded, "How come Mommy said 'Michigan' not 'Mishigan'?" Looking puzzled (no pun intended), I asked him what he meant. He repeated with emphasis, "How come Mommy said 'Mi-CHI-gan' not 'Mi-SHI-gan'?" It was then that I realized the difference he was trying to point out. And after looking up in the dictionary, which has become a permanent object on our dining table these days, I smiled at him and thanked him for correcting my pronounciation. Obviously he has heard Andy say the word and somehow picked up the difference. This is only just another word added to my long list of mispronounced words that I've discovered (mostly by Andy pointing out to me) in the past 20 years of being in this country. Often times I just tell Andy, "That's the British way of saying the word!" Ha...

But on a more serious note, it is daunting to realize I am going to be teaching English to a native! While it is true I am far from being fit to be a homeschooling mom, I am reminded that I am called not because I am fit, and quite the opposite, because none of us is fit. It is by God's strength and wisdom that I teach, in order that I may be humbled...