Biblical counsel for my child

Last week Caleb had a playdate at his friend's place. At one point of the gathering, both of them wanted to have this stuffed animal. And it was one of those little "disputes" where the mothers have to intervene. In the end, his friend was able to share the toy with Caleb. I then said to his friend, "It feels good to share, right?" And the mother said to her, "It wasn't too hard to share, was it?" Both of us were trying to encourage the behavior of sharing. And I didn't think much of it afterwards.

Last night as I was re-reading Shepherding a child's heart, on being biblical in the counseling of our children, the incident came back to mind. I realized neither comment made by the two mothers was necessarily biblical. Ultimately, the child shares because it is pleasing and honoring to God, not because it makes him or her feel good, nor is it because it is not hard to do. The former comment renders the child self- rather than cross-centered. The latter comment leads to a focus on merit rather than on grace. In fact, it was the worst thing for me to tell a child that he should do something because it feels good to do it. And without realizing that even the ability to share is the grace of God is to deny our total depravity.

It seemed a small incident. But I am grateful for the Spirit's conviction that this is where I start with a life-long biblical counsel for my child, molding his heart, not his behavior, because of the cross.